Sex Therapists Say These “Performance Problems” Are Actually Super Common

Sex is everywhere. It’s on our television ads, our favorite shows, and ever so present in our social media feeds. Although two people (or more, if that’s your thing) getting it on seems pretty straightforward, there is a lot more to sex than what meets the eye.

Sex therapists have pinpointed some of the most common problems couples experience, so if you have any doubts about your bedroom game, maybe you’re not alone.

It’s human nature to want to be close with your partner, but what if something just doesn’t seem right? Problems in the bedroom are more common that you think.

Being attracted to your partner and pleasing them physically is only one part of the sexual experience. “We don’t know how to breathe, we don’t know how to relax and we are so goal, media, experience and image-driven that we have lost something the media doesn’t tout: sexual intimacy,” said Rebecca Hope Dnistran, MA, LMFT.

It’s all about getting to know your partner and their needs, and your love life will be back on track.

“The majority of my practice is working with couples at the brink of breakup. Most often there is, or has been, a newly discovered affair,” stated Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.

To overcome this broken trust, couples must get to the root of the problem by getting close again. Getting back to the basics by enjoying each other’s company and showing affection outside of the bedroom is important to reforming a sexual bond.

Having sexual desires that do not line up can lead to trouble. “The most common sex problem I see is a lack of sexual desire, and I particularly see this with couples, where one person has a much higher sexual drive or desire than the other partner,” stated Michael Aaron, Ph.D.

The solution lies in getting to the root of the problem. Has there been some betrayal in the relationship? Is someone experiencing pain during intercourse? Couples need to honestly express their sexual needs.

Some couples say “they are just too busy for sex, rather than expressing and exploring their intimate needs and wishes with each other,” stated Cathy Beaton, M.S., NCPsyA.

You can always make time for romance, but make sure other problems lingering in the relationship aren’t stopping you from enjoying your partner. Sometimes triggered by a medical illness or some sort of treatment is a low desire for sex, and “this is very frustrating for both patients and clinicians because there is no ‘little blue pill’ for desire,” said Sharon L. Bober, Ph.D.

It’s time to dive deep into your relationship with yourself and your partner to see what the cause of your lack of sexual interest is.

Intimacy between you and your partner is meant to be enjoyed, and it can be difficult when you or your spouse experiences painful intercourse.

There are different ways to approach this problem. “The first is to look for a physical cause in the genitalia. The second is to attribute the pain to sexual abuse or trauma or an emotional state, such as depression or anxiety,” stated Irving Binik, Ph.D.

If you or your partner experience some sort of sex addiction, this can put a severe strain on the relationship.

“My approach to addressing it often begins with examining underlying trigger factors, such as poor stress control, the family of origin conflicts or drug and alcohol abuse,” said Mark D. Ackerman, Ph.D.

Therapy or counseling can help those dealing with sex addiction set boundaries and better control their impulses.

A decrease in sexual intimacy can be difficult for any couple to deal with.

“The solution is not a one-size-fits-all model,” stated Sari Cooper, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Sex Coach, “there are numerous reasons that couples decrease or stop having sex, like erectile dysfunction, pain during intercourse, boredom with the sexual routine, loss of libido due to illness, medications or stress in the relationship.”

It’s important to have a continued interest in your partner, even if that means spending some time alone to remember what attracts you to them in the first place!

Having difficulty getting it up can be embarrassing and frustrating for men, but it’s definitely not uncommon.

“The most common sexual issue that clients in my practice present is erectile difficulty. If there is no medical basis or contribution to the erectile difficulty, usually anxiety is interfering with the man’s capacity to become and remain aroused,” said Bruce Berman, Ph.D.

Practicing touching exercises or other forms of intimacy before having sex can help many men regain power over their arousal.

Sex is not always so effortless as it appears in the movies, and sometimes couples need a little help when it comes to rebuilding intimacy and getting their sex life on track. Sex therapists help couples work through many problems regarding their sex life, and each one is as unique as the next.

Don’t be scared to speak up if you think your relationship could use a bit of assistance in the bedroom. There are health professionals willing to help you and your partner through it, and the result could be intimacy better than ever before.

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