Time and time again, exasperated moms and dads ask their teenagers to tidy their rooms and often question their kids why they treat the home like a hotel.
But an expert has warned that these phrases – and others such as asking their children how their day at school was and why they sleep until midday on the weekend – are at risk of alienating the teen and making them feel like they’re not as much a part of the family.
Neuroscientist Dr. Dean Burnett said such questions alienate teenagers and he has urged parents to try to see things from their youngsters’ point of view.
The expert, who is also the author of the book entitled Why Your Parents Are Driving You Up the Wall and What To Do About It, believes that parents need to be more accommodating to their teen children because they’re still growing and need more than adults.
According to Burnett, certain phrases like “why do you treat this place like a hotel?” and “How was school today?” are very bad for teenage children and risk alienating them from the parent-child relationship.
From AWM:
Teenagers are going through a lot of changes, and they need their parents to be understanding. It can be difficult for parents to see their children going through tough times, but it’s important to remember that teenagers are still growing and learning.
While delivering a lecture at the Royal Institution in London, Dr. Burnett said: “Instead of asking why they treat the house like a hotel, parents might want to bargain and offer them something in return if they tidy their room.”
For example, the common question “how was school today?” can be very triggering for teenagers since school is a stressful situation for many. Instead, he offered an alternative for parents claiming that the simple question, “How are you?” is a much better approach that won’t put the teenager out.
The expert also believes that parents should stop nagging their children about cleaning up their rooms and instead try to be more understanding. He said: “It’s not just Kevin. Most teenagers are chronically sleep-deprived, to the point where it’s now considered a major public health concern in many countries. And it’s not just because they’re staying up all night on social media or playing video games.”
Dr. Burnett said:
“Harry Enfield’s teenage sketch character Kevin is the stereotype of a grumpy adolescent for many parents. But look at him more closely and you can see all the hallmarks of serious sleep deprivation, from grumpiness and a short temper to lack of focus.”
He also claimed that when parents nag their children about phone use, they need to recognize that they often use their devices as much as their offspring.
Source: AWM